This blog is just for me. I've decided that it's time I start journaling again, and since I barely have time to write down my actual writing, I figured a blog would be an easy way for me to keep up with my life, as well as practice my writing when I have time.
SO what's going on. Well, Kyle and I got married last month! That's pretty amazing. I'll write about that day another time. Right now, I would like to focus on my fitness goals. I'm writing them here because I don't feel like anyone really cares about what eating plan I'm on, and no one should have to listen to me prattle on about my goals and food journaling if they don't want to.
So here it goes. Five things I've learned about my health and fitness goals.
1. I'm pretty darn sure I'm pre diabetic. I was babysitting last weekend and while I was there I noticed a few more of the symptoms (besides headaches and frequent urination) that pointed to pre type 2 diabetes. I didn't really tell anyone, besides Kyle, because I know people who actually have diabetes and I didn't want to seem like I was being a hypochondriac, or taking their struggle and making it mine. In fact, because I didn't see a doctor, I just kept it to myself and googled the shit out of what symptoms I should be watching for.
Before the wedding Kyle and I cut meat, except for fish, out of our diet, and while it helped for a few weeks, we ended up binging on bread and cream filled snacks, because well, it was veggie friendly. We ate our little hearts out and I gained ten pounds.
On Friday night of this past weekend I finally decided that some toast, or cookies weren't worth a lifetime of insulin shots, and expensive medications. I decided once and for all that I would cut sugar and go extremely low carb, while still bringing some meat back into my diet. It's been almost a week and I've never felt better. My headaches stopped, I don't feel bloated anymore, and I feel genuinely better about life in general.
2. Low Carb isn't as bad as I thought it would be.
When I started this I decided that it would suck really bad for the first three weeks, and if I could make it three weeks, it would just be my life and it wouldn't suck anymore. While I'm not out of the woods yet, I've found that it doesn't suck as bad as I thought it would. When I see where I want to be, and I imagine having kids and being healthy enough to keep up with them, I don't want whatever temptation is in front of me. In fact, it loses all it's power, and I don't feel like it's an actual temptation anymore. I don't miss bread, in general. I miss how easy it is to eat bread and be filled, but I don't miss the bloating, or constipation, or headaches that would follow.
3. Food journaling is the way to go, for me.
While everyone is different, I've found that food journaling is the key to my success. So far this week I've tracked everything I eat, down to each piece. If I ate 10 grapes, I write down 10 grapes. It's helped me so far, with portion control, and sticking to what I promised myself. I also break all my food into meals and snacks. Planning to snack throughout the day has helped SO MUCH because I eat less at my meals, and end up keeping my metabolism running at full speed, hopefully burning calories for me :) It's also helped because I don't feel guilty for eating anything I write down. I don't want to write down shit food, so I don't eat shit food, and then I don't feel shitty.
4. I have to do this for me.
Kyle has been trying to motivate me to work out for A LONG TIME. He encourages better eating habits, and while I can see the love and logic in his pleas, it also pisses me off. I would get mad and then we would fight and it was stupid because he was really trying to help. He still loved me, when I downed an entire sleeve of Oreos, but he wanted me to be healthy and happy and he could see that I wasn't. When I made this decision to cut bread and sugar, it was for me. I scared the hell out of myself and realized that my health isn't as robust as I thought it was. Not only were my pants fitting tighter, my body was working extremely hard to push the toxins out and keep itself running. I was making myself sick, because of the food I was eating, and the quantity I was eating it in. I needed to hit rock bottom before I could work my way back up to my prime. I am 23 next month and I want it to be the best year ever. I want to be my fittest, and healthiest. I want to look damn sexy for me, and also my husband, but mostly for me. I want to get there. I HAVE TO CHOOSE EVERYDAY.
5. I have to focus on the things I can have, instead of the things I can't have.
This has been a big thing for me this week. I went to Costco, and while I passed all the sugar and carby food, I had to continually tell myself, "you can't have ______ but you CAN have ______". This Costco trip is was beef sticks and Babybell cheese. Instead of buying pretzel thins, or crackers for my hummus, I reminded myself that I was spending 10 extra dollars on cheese, so I could have the good stuff. Low carb seems limiting, until I realize that all the money I would spend of sugar or carbs, I can spend on good cheese, or the expensive wine, or whatever it may be. I can still treat myself, without adding sugar or bread.
6. I was spiraling out of control, and food was the one thing I could "control" but it was actually controlling me.
My anxiety is a big part of my life. I have really bad anxious days and it makes me feel bad about everything else in my life. I was using food as a crutch to make me feel like I was in control. I would eat something and tell myself I shouldn't feel bad about it, despite knowing it was bad for me. I would sneak food. On our honeymoon, I bought doughnuts because I was craving them. Kyle and I fought about them and then he went out and bought actual dinner for us. While he was gone, I got mad and ate all six doughnuts by myself. I then lied to him about it and said I flushed them down the toilet. My addiction to food, and my "need" to cling on to it, was ruining my relationship with my husband and it needed to stop. Cutting carbs and choosing to do it for myself is something that I am proud to do. I am proud to take care of my body, and to stop letting food control me. I don't need the junk, and letting go of it, while it may be difficult at times, will ultimately be better for me in the long run.
7. While I want to work out and get my body in tight and toned shape, I need to focus on this aspect of my health first.
In the past I've had a bad habit of latching on to a health kick, going to the gym every day, and eating only good things for me, and letting it last for about a week. I would then get burnt out, or I would let the weekend binging stop me from feeling good enough to go to the gym. This time it's going to be different. I'm going to start with my health. I'm going to start with eating to fuel my body, and avoiding the crap that is everywhere. I'm cutting sugar and cutting carbs, and hopefully that will help me feel better about going to the gym, or starting a work out program. I know that right now, if I were to go to the gym and try and work out I wouldn't be able to do anything I've worked up to before, and I would get frustrated and start to spiral. I want to be stable in my eating habits before I add another aspect to this journey. i want to lose 20 pounds just from diet, which I know is possible, and then start working out.
8. I've come to learn that while some people don't have to think about their weight, and will always be skinny minnie's I am not one of those people. I will always have to be on it with my diet. Hopefully someday it will com easier for me, but I will probably always have to think about it. My family is proned to weight gain, and I know my bad habits, while under control for the moment, will be waiting in the wings for their chance to come back. I will probably always have a week spot for carbs. Especially when I'm pregnant.
9. I need to have a broad sense of goals, and not specify too much. Real life happens, and while I plan on keeping my eating clean, exercising isn't always going to happen. I want to lose 60 pounds all together, but part of that I want to do with just diet alone. I also want to be able to do this over a longer period of time. I'm not looking for perfection, just health. I'm hoping to achieve my goals before Kyle and I have kids, but if not, I won't be too hard on myself.
So now that I've fully dissected my thoughts, I want to talk about my goals. I'm going to set short and long term goals, so I can have something to work towards.
Short Term
1 Month- Keep off sugar, and low carb. I want to make it through the holiday season without eating any sugar. This is going to be hard. I know that. Holiday treats are MY FAVORITE and they will be everywhere. This next month is going to be a test of my own will.
2 month- Slowly begin incorporating work outs into my routine.
Lose about 20 pounds just with diet alone. This should be possible with a lower calorie intake, and eating whole foods. I want to lose the 20 pounds before incorporating too much exercise, so I don't get burnt our.
5 month- be working out 3 times a week, and maintaining low carb and no sugar
8 month goals- be at least 40 pounds lighter, and maintaining a good work out regime and eating habits.
12 month- Be working out 4 times a week, at home or at the gym, and have lost 50 pounds of my body fat. I want to be as close to my goals as possible, but not necessarily super fit.
2 years- have first pregnancy and maintain a healthy diet and exercise routine through pregnancy.
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